just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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