so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize