i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
