oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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