This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
