I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
