someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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