Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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