I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
