i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Randomize