Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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