i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
