Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
