i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
