how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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