For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
