I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
i believe in u and ur pee
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
