my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
