i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Randomize
