ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
