You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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