I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
