dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
