I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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