**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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