i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
