Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
