I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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