if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
