Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
