he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
