you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
