capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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