cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
