Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I think I won the penis lottery.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
