im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
