Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
