I can tuck mytits in my pants
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
