Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
