These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm sobbing to NWA
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
