We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
