be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm always down for nudity.
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