I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
