I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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