Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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