bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
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I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
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Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder