Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
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Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.