I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
