The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?