i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
