omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
