I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
