i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
