a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
