"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
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I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
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I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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