I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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