i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Can you bring me the toilet please
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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