as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
