I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
