just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
