i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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