I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
