Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
