Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
we should paint friendship bongs
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
