Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Vodka?
Forever.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Randomize
