i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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