You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
