check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
