He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
