I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
