i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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