Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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