i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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