I hate all girls vehemently.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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