i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
