you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
