I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
