The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
