Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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