just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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