I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
