I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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