I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
