I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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