do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
