That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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