Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize